Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
