i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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