He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
