don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
