There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
