Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
