hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
