im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
