i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no, he came in my armpit
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
