Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i will never coherently bang her
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
