you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
