I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
