I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I will pee on everything he values.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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