never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
