Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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