Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
