talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
