he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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