: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We are two peas in an std pod
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
