If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
