TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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