Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Randomize
