you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
