I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
