She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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