you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
