So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
