WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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