What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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