so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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