im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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