i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
