That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
