I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
