Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
