Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've blown a few things in my day
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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