we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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