I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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