ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
