Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
