i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
