You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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