I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
