We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
