You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
