Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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