He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
