im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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