I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
