Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
