yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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