is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i love accidental penises.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
